Ordinary vs Extraordinary

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I woke up today in quite a dreadful mood - not sure why exactly - could be the lack of sleep this past week due to nothing in particular or it could be this nagging sore throat. In any event, hopping outside in the downpour to grab my mail only further exasperated my mood. There is was, a disappointing response to my recent letter to the Smith Quarterly:

"Regarding a letter writer's plea for greater representation of Smithies who have embarked on "new jobs as stay-at-home moms," let me suggest that the Quarterly is the wrong place to look. While becoming a mother is the most truly miraculous thing, it is also the most commonplace. What Smith prepares us for is something else- to make our unique contribution to this world. The Alumnae Quarterly is the place to read about the jaw-dropping, amazing things Smithies are doing to make the world a better place. It's inspiring - if often a bit intimidating (we aren't all destined to swim the English Channel or find the cure for something - myself included). In the lightening flash of twenty years, which is what it will feel like when the letter writer has successfully launched her children into adulthood, she will be glad if her only job was not "stay-at-home mom" - and the readers of the Quarterly will be fascinated to read all about it."

Now, my initial response was quite emotional - I felt like this lady had personally belittled my current full-time position as the CEO of my family. I was sad and my feelings were hurt. Then, I just got mad.

I was unaware that raising children to be respectful and creative citizens of this world was not a "unique contribution." Perhaps, I should have just kept on working at Goldman Sachs, dumped my children in daycare and hoped for the best. Affordable childcare that reflects my values, encourages creativity and boosts my children's confidence as human beings just does not exist where I live (again, I said affordable). I suppose that if I had continued to work, I surely would have relished those oh-so-productive Monday morning meetings or skipped my way home knowing that I helped very wealthy people make even more money. I definitely would not have regretted not watching my children learn to walk and talk and blossom into little people - I mean, how unsatisfying. Plus, raising children has got to be the easiest and most "commonplace" job. She did, however, raise a point that I had overlooked - I was unaware that being a stay-at-home mom lasts for "twenty years" - I guess being home while my kids are young and then going back to work when they head to school is not an option.

My point with my initial letter was to reach out to the Smith community and see what other mothers (it is an all women's college after all) are doing to raise their children. I agree that the Quarterly is inspiring - there are thousands of out-of-this-world successful women who have amazing lives to share - but what about the other women who are helping to raise the future generation? I am sure there are no "unique" upbringings happening - no traveling or living in foreign lands, no living off-the-grid on a homestead, no creative ways of bypassing the "system" and certainly no ideas for creating impressive and different learning environments.  The world is constantly changing - so what are we doing to foster children who can adapt to this change? I figured having gone to such a prestigious college, there would be a handful of extraordinary and progressive stories.

Well. I guess I will just go back to reading Glamour and eating bonbons on my couch.

Laughter is Medicine

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Helping the Planet - One Step at a Time

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How does one make political change? I have had this question stuck in my head for months. I am a stay at home mom, which means we have one income, which means we have limited funds, which means we have no extra money to donate to causes we value. I am a stay at home mom, which means my free time is very limited, which means I don't have time to volunteer for causes we value. So. How, aside from voting, does a person like me help fuel change in our nation? We do the bare minimum "green" things like recycle, compost, eat organic foods from local sources, buy used instead of new...but that seems like stuff everyone should just DO.  

I have just been feeling lately that we have been taking, taking, taking and not giving back. Personally, my timing may not be ideal as I barely have the time and space to put our laundry away so maybe in a few years when my kids are in school most of the week I will be able to contribute to society more. I want to show our kids that we, as people of this country and land, need to give as well as take. How does one do that? 

Well, I asked my friends Brendan and Anne DeMelle. They are a very impressive couple (see Brendan here). Here is Brendan's response - it is sooo inspiring and not at all intimidating so be sure to check it out after the jump: 

Testing the Boundaries

My aunt asked all the women in our family to write a little something for her daughter as she embarks on the path to adulthood.  So here is what I wrote to my tween cousin:

My favorite story to tell people about the beauty of childhood stars you as the main character. You were maybe 3 or 4 years old and we were all gathered at the grandparent’s house is West Seattle. Dinner was taking a little longer than expected so you wandered over to the pool’s steps, innocently sitting on the ground with your feet dangling in the pool water. As dinner was called, Jann asked you to please not get in the pool now and to come to the table. You declared that you were simply sitting with your feet in the water; you were not getting in. A few minutes later and again Jann is asking you to come over for dinner and to not get in to the pool. By now, you were sitting in the pool, on the first step, so just your legs submerged in the water. You repeated your declaration that you were in fact not in the pool, just your legs. Another few minutes and you eased yourself one step down so that you were now up to your waist. We were all busy serving out dinner so didn’t think to ask you again to come to the table but Jann was watching you and I could see the wheels in your head spinning. A few moments later, we all heard a gentle splash and a soft giggle. You had indeed hopped into the pool and you immediately looked up at your mom, knowing that you had now clearly acted against her wishes. Instantly, you protested, “I didn’t get in, I fell in!”

Hitting

Teacher Tom’s 8-Step Plan for Learning Through Conflict For 2-Year-Olds

1)  Stay calm.

21 Memos from your Child

21 Memos From Your Child

1. Don’t spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not have all I ask for. I am only testing you.
2. Don’t be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it, it makes me feel secure.
3. Don’t let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
4. Don’t make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave stupidly “big”.
5. Don’t correct me in front of people if you can help it. I’ll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
6. Don’t make me feel all of my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.
7. Don’t protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way, sometimes.
8. Don’t be upset when I say “I hate you”. It isn’t you I hate, but your power to thwart me.
9. Don’t take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.
10. Don’t nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
11. Don’t forget that I can’t explain myself as well as I should like. This is why I’m not always very accurate.
12. Don’t make rash promises. Remember that I feel badly let down when promises are broken.
13. Don’t tax my honesty too much. I am easily frightened into telling lies.
14. Don’t be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
15. Don’t tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real to me and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.
16. Don’t put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
17. Don’t ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.
18. Don’t ever think it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm toward you.
19. Don’t forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult to keep pace with me, but please try.
20. Don’t forget I love experimenting. I couldn’t do without it, so please be patient with it.
21. Don’t forget that I can’t thrive without lots of understanding and unconditional love, but I don’t need to tell you that, do I?

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